im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
smell my finger.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
