His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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