you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
