I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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