And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
