My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Houston, we have a blender
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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