That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Sext me about skeletons
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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