Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
