I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
