dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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