bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I wish there were birth control emojis
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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