he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
