I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
