She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize