A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
