i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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