You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
