So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
