Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
