i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
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