2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
May the power of my ass compel you!!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
