If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
