Soap is not a condiment
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
