All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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