But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
