remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize