tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
