I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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