Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
