And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
