I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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