Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
