so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
