New low: just hacked my moms facebook
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
