question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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