I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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