A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
