peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
