hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
