I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
