He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
