He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
My vagina just recognized that song.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
try to milk me bitch
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