i permit you to call me
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
