Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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