Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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