OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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