Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
This house was built for laser tag.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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