Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
