Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
