the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
