Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
