how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize