what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
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