Can i not drive my cunt home
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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