I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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