12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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