If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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