I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
