I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
