I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
