Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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