the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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