u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
