she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
