Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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