My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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