I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
