Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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