Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
