if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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