Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
