I think i peed on brittanys purse
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
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