I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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