He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
