I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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