I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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