win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
