sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I need a beard to bite.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
