I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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