I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
