Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
