I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Randomize