What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Randomize
