I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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