I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
