Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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