Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
