I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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