Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
