Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
