Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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