Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
