drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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