Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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