At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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