OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
