No awkward lesbian experiences without me
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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