Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
