she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
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