I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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