Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
