so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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